5 Signs When You Found The One to Marry

1:You are willing to commit to the relationship.

The first pit-stop to finding the one that is right one for you starts with…“You”. Sacrifices are a part of any commitment.  If you are not willing to commit, then you may want to re-think the stability of your current relationship.

I had a friend tell me that if you say “Yes” to someone you also have to be willing to say no to others.  Think about this example.  If I say “Yes” to helping you move from 1pm-3pm, then I have to say “No” to any other obligations during that time.  This is the same in a relationship.  If you say “Yes” to committing to a relationship you will have to be willing to say “No” to other advances or interests that may not be beneficial to the relationship.  

If you are not willing to make sacrifices or adjust your focus to include your significant other, you may not be ready for the commitment level of marriage.  Remember, marriage is more about giving than receiving.  Are you willing to approach the relationship with a service mentality?  

Too often the focus of the relationship becomes getting my needs met and not how can I better for my partner.  This can create a self-centered foundation for your marriage.  When two people are willing to give to each other unconditionally, this will create a loving and caring family.

2:You have had an argument with your significant other and able to solve them in a healthy manner.

People have disagreements. If you have not had an argument or disagreement with your significant other then you relationship may be too new.  There is no such thing as a couple who does not have disagreements or conflict.  The focus of the relationship should not be removing conflict, but learning how to manage conflict in a healthy manner.  

If you are able to solve conflicts in a manner that does not result in violence or complete shutdowns this is golden.  How you solve conflict is an important part of a relationship. A partner that shuts down or completely withdraws during conflict may be a warning sight for future problems. The Gottman Institute, an authority on couples, refers to this as “Stonewalling”.

When stressors are higher such as when you have children or financial strains healthy communication skills will help in being able to navigate choppy waters.

3:You are not pressured to compromise your values.

I like to describe values as the principles that guide how you live life.  For this to mean anything you have to know and understand your own values.

I would suggest being as specific as possible with naming your values. There has to be some “non-negotiables” in your relationship.  If you feel that you are constantly asked to compromise your value system that person may not be the one for you.  

Ask yourself: Do I like the person I am becoming?  If you are slowly transforming into a person that lives a life on conflicting values, consider how the relationship may be affecting you. Keep in mind not only your values, but also the values of your significant other.

4:You trust them

Are you willing to let them watch your child?  

Can you count on them to keep their word?  

Do they consistently betray you with no remorse?  

These questions lead to more insight into your level of trust.  Be aware if you are projecting other’s mistakes on your significant other. Some inner work may be necessary to gain more insight into yourself. Are your thoughts about mistrusting that person true, or do you have an irrational belief that, “all men cannot be trusted” or “all women want to trap you”.  These statements are absolutely false, but if left unchallenged can become a focal point on how you view your potential spouse.

5:You can live with the worse you see in that person.

THIS IS GOLDEN. Let’s be honest here. People are resistant to change. Not saying that change does not happen, it does.  Do not go into a relationship as if it is a “fixer upper”.  Your significant other is not a house where you can remodel poor habits or paint over past trauma.  When you find the one , you are willing to Love that person “as is”. 

If you see aspects of that person that you are not willing to Agape Love, then Love them enough to allow them to find someone who is willing to provide the unconditional Love that you would want.  Before we get too focused on the other person, take inventory of your own house. 

What are the aspects of your life that might need remodeling.  What parts of your life does your significant other have to Love?  As best as possible walk into a new stage of life with a realistic vision of what marriage looks like.  

I always suggest that you seek pre-marital counseling or through a program designed to reveal the different aspects of marriage.